U.S. responds to AI competition from China
DeepSeek shocks Silicon Valley, prompts Amazon to take action
China’s DeepSeek stunned Silicon Valley and Wall Street by claiming it took two months and less than $6 million to build an AI model that outperforms the likes of ChatGPT which required vast computing power and investment to develop.
Amazon responded by claiming that it would focus on competing with DeepSeek as a matter of national pride:
“At Amazon we are very proud of the scale and reach we have accomplished and excited by the efficiency gains AI offers. And we are adamant that we will not be out-sweatshopped by the Chinese.
We are proud to operate the biggest and most sophisticated sweatshops in the U.S. and believe it is our patriotic duty to make these the best sweatshops in the world.
Therefore as a matter of national pride we will:
Expand our return to office mandate to 7 days per week for all Amazonians
Our commitment to DEI is such that this mandate will include all employees
To ensure that we can produce AI models at low cost, weekend work will not be compensated
Increase payroll taxes paid by our employees to 50%
Invest in new talent by hiring children to work for us in Arkansas, Indiana and Mississippi
In addition, we will increase productivity through exciting games and challenges:
Employees will be required to demonstrate a 10% increase in productivity each week in order to keep health insurance
Delivery drivers will be expected to complete routes in record time (Amazon is setting up a fund to pay for any speeding fines. The fund has $10)
Warehouse workers will be challenged to see who can avoid going to the bathroom the longest
These challenges will make working at Amazon fun for our employees while also delivering value for our shareholders.
We are confident that these efforts will Make Amazon Great Again.
Nvidia CEO meets Trump at White House
POTUS: Welcome Jensen - wow you’re Asian. I thought with a name like Jensen you’d be Swedish.
Jensen: Yes sir, I am Taiwanese-American, Jensen Huang.
POTUS: Thailand - such a beautiful country. So many beautiful beaches. But the food, too spicy - believe me.
If you’re from Thailand, do I need to ask if you’re a man who used to be a woman? Because this is American and there only two genders now.
Jensen: I’m not from Thailand, I’m from Taiwan. You know the island nation off the coast of China that the U.S. has sworn to defend if China invades.
POTUS: We’ll see about that. Anyhow, welcome to the White House Jensen. Would you like a Diet Coke?
Jensen: No sir, I am here to talk about Nvidia, my company that produces chips.
POTUS: Chips - I love chips. I know a lot about chips. But I’ve never seen your company at the grocery store. I see Lays, I see Doritos, I see Pringles and SunChips but I’ve never seen Nvidia.
Jensen: Sir we don’t make potato chips. We make computer chips that power artificial intelligence.
POTUS: You don’t make potato chips? So who do I talk to about a new flavor of potato chips?
Jensen: I’m not sure sir.
POTUS: Because I’m so tired of having Cool Ranch Doritos and Barbeque Lays. Trump is President now; America is back. We need to be bold and reach for the stars when it comes to flavor of chips in this country.
Jensen: I’m not sure I can help with that sir.
POTUS: Sure you can. What’s your favorite type of food.
Jensen: Steak sir.
POTUS: Me too! When’s the last time you had a steak flavored chip?
Jensen: Last week sir. They’re made by Lays. But I’d like to turn your attention to the computer chips made by Nvidia.
POTUS: OK - what about mayonnaise flavored chips, can Nvidia make those?
Jensen: No sir, we don’t make potato chips.
POTUS: Well may be you should start. This is America, anything is possible.
Jensen: Yes sir, which is why I chose this country to start my company to make graphic processing units, application programming interfaces and system on a chip units. We sell to Microsoft, Meta, Amazon, Alphabet, Oracle, and Tesla.
POTUS: I get it, I get it. Why didn’t you say so earlier. We’ve been talking about potato chips for ten minutes because you weren’t clear. Maybe it’s your accent. Do you sell chips to China?
Jensen: No sir. There’s a trade embargo and China is considered a strategic rival to the United States.
POTUS: And you’re saying you’re loyal to the United States?
Jensen: Yes sir, I’m an American citizen.
POTUS: We’ll see about that. What do you seek from the government?
Jensen: Well sir, most of our chips are made in Taiwan but we’d like to manufacture here in the United States. However, to do we would need economic incentives.
POTUS: Sure - for every 1,000 chips you make in America, we will offer you 1,000 bags of Barbeque Lays potato chips.
Jensen: Sir, I meant something more substantial. Like a subsidy to build plants in the U.S.
POTUS: Sure we can do that. Where would you like to build these plants?
Jensen: Our company is headquartered in the Bay Area so we would like to construct a plant in California.
POTUS: California is not a good place to build a plant.
Jensen: It’s not?
POTUS: They have hippies, forest fires and voted against me. I think you’re much better off building a plant in Texas. They don’t waste time with DEI over there.
Jensen: Yes sir, Texas works great. But sir, we made a diversity pledge to our employees. We must honor this commitment.
POTUS: Indeed you may. Texas thrives on diversity. You can hire a very diverse array of guns there.
3 things to look for next week
Trump announces 30% tariff on Disneyland for going woke
Trump lowers the price of eggs on Guantanamo Bay
Elon Musk proposes a new tax on the homeless