Trump escalates conflict with Harvard
and an interview with the House Speaker Mike Johnson
Trump bars Harvard from enrolling international students
In response to Harvard University’s refusal to bow to his demands, President Trump revoked the elite school’s ability to enroll foreign students.
Per the U.S. Department of Homeland Security “Harvard can no longer enroll foreign students and existing foreign students must transfer or lose their legal status.”
Below is an excerpt from a statement issued by Harvard University:
This egregious decision robs Harvard of the funding it desperately needs to achieve its mission to become the world’s largest hedge fund.
Given the loss of income this represents, Harvard will forced to cut costs to ensure that our primary objective - growing the Harvard endowment - can continue.
Therefore, on Tuesday we will be auctioning Harvard real estate that has appreciated less than our endowment over the past 10 years.
Funds raised from such asset sales will then be plowed back into the Harvard endowment so that our noble pursuit of our mission may continue. Our endowment is $10 billion larger than Yale’s and we plan to keep it that way!
It’s not fair that Yale and Columbia will have an advantage in growing their endowments because they bent for the administration. Growing your endowment should be a reflection of your financial skill not political choices.
To the existing students caught up in this decision, your tuition is not refundable, so we thank you for your contributions to our endowment.
You can take comfort from knowing that your fees fund important research such as the optimal capital structure and lobbying budget needed by a large tech firm to fight FTC enforcement of existing antitrust laws and promote the idea that monopolies are actually patriotic.
Trump’s decision is expected to result in brain drain from the Harvard to competing elite schools like Oxford. Surprisingly, Oxford University may not welcome this move.
In a hot mic moment, the Oxford Chancellor was heard saying that “Harvard grads can’t hack academic standards we have here at Oxford. Getting into Harvard is hard but once you’re in its a cakewalk. Seriously, when was the last time you met a Harvard grad that was actually smart?”
Interview: Speaker Mike Johnson
FB: The tax bill you passed in the House adds trillions to U.S. - how can the GOP claim to the be party of fiscal responsibility?
MJ: We are very responsible. Do you know how many airline points come with trillions of dollars in debt? So many points!
As responsible stewards of the country and the economy, House Republicans will use these airline points for luxury travel to Board meetings at the resorts that White Lotus was filmed at.
I’m going to Koh Samui because its cheaper than going to Italy or Hawaii, so it represents great value for the taxpayer.
FB: Wait - you’re not seriously suggesting that airline points justify adding trillions to U.S. debt are you?
MJ: Of course I am. Come on - wake up! Most Americans die in debt. Being indebted and having zillions of airline points is as American as other U.S. institutions like baseball, apple pie and school shootings.
Congress is often accused of being out of touch with the needs of the American people. Well adding debt to get airline points and traveling with those points will make us seem more relatable to the voting public.
I’m confident our approval ratings will be upgraded just like our cabin on the new airline Riyadh Air.
And by the way, thank you Riyadh Air for your generous campaign contributions.
However, I must stress that Riyadh Air campaign contributions have nothing to do with me flying from Washington to Tennessee via Riyadh.
FB: Speaking of Middle Eastern and aviation, what do you make of President Trump’s decision to accept a 747 from Qatar?
MJ: It’s a sign that America is back! So I thank the Qataris for their generosity and their vote of confidence in President Trump and his strong leadership.
Of course, the Pentagon will retrofit the airline to ensure its suitable for flying the President.
And get this: the retrofitting to Air Force will be paid by airline points accrued from adding trillions to the debt. Trump’s a genius!
FB: Well its not just debt, the bill you passed cuts funding for federal programs like Medicaid and food stamps which will affects millions of poorer Americans.
MJ: Yes, and they’re welcome. People on federal programs hate being on them. They want to be independent and freed from relying on the state as Democrats want them to be.
These Americans will now be freed to pursue employment in the incredible economy that this bill will unleash!
FB: The way this bill is structured, it will exacerbate inequality by rewarding the rich and punishing the poor.
MJ: How wrong you are once again. This bill helps all Americans. Because helping the rich lifts us all up.
Think about it - this bill makes it easier for the poor to move off federal programs and instead work as domestic help for wealthy Americans who now have the money to employ them due to the tax cuts we’re passing.
This means more frequent toilet cleaning at the third or fourth homes of the rich. You know, secondary yachts don’t just clean themselves!
This means much more economic activity in the country which lifts us all up.
FB: Sounds like you’re promoting a serfdom.
MJ: Oh no - certainly not. This is different to serfdom. You see, serfs were paid.
3 things to look for next week
Trump claims the ‘me’ in Memorial Day means that the holiday is about him
International students targeting Harvard apply to Citadel Advisors instead
EU opens a refugee center in Brussels to accommodate influx of Americans