Bezos bends for the boss
and an interview with Keir Starmer
Bezos announces changes at The Washington Post
In a Wednesday morning tweet, Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon and owner of The Washington Post, shared how the venerable newspaper would be changing its approach to its opinion pages:
Interview: Sir Keir Starmer
FB: The U.S. has changed its position on Ukraine. Will the UK also change its position?
KS: Ukraine is vital to the UK. We will always support Ukraine. Largely because we make big bucks by licensing the letters U and K to Ukraine. That’s worth a lot to our Treasury.
We need these funds. Especially since we only just finished paying reparations to slave owners in 2015.
Putin has promised to end royalty payments for these letters if he takes over. We cannot let him do that.
FB: Are you suggesting that Ukraine would be called just ‘raine’ without the UK?
KS: No of course not. We also license “raine” to Ukraine because raining is part of our national character.
So it’s doubly important that we preserve Ukraine; we’re talking about two separate royalty checks: one for the UK and another for the word “raine”.
FB: How much does the UK make from these royalty payments?
KS: About £1 million per year. Think about how much this helps with debt repayment. Huzzah!
FB: And how much has the UK given to Ukraine since the start of this conflict?
KS: Only £12.8 billion.
FB: You know for a bank teller you seem to be pretty poor at math because you’re giving way more than you’re getting.
KS: Firstly, I’m not a bank teller; I just look like one.
Secondly, giving £12.8 billion is how we preserve £1 million income stream in perpetuity. Or until Ukraine decides to change its name. Whichever comes first.
And it’s not just about licensing U, K and raine to Ukraine. It’s about the future and security of Europe. That’s why its vital that we support Ukraine in its noble fight against Russian aggression. Glory to Ukraine!
FB: How do you justify giving such large sums to Ukraine when the UK is falling apart. Schools, hospitals and roads are all falling apart.
KS: Well firstly, if we don’t support Ukraine then Russia will takeover Europe and force our kids to study in Russian. Can you imagine?
Secondly, hospitals falling apart is a good thing as you don’t want people to feel too welcome in a hospital. Or at least that’s what Milton Friedman told me.
And finally, I’m glad we’re not fixing potholes. This way, it will be harder for Russian tanks to navigate British roads if they ever make it here.
3 things to look for next week
Trump demands all NYC congestion charges to be paid by Hillary Clinton
Mark Zuckerberg buys the U.S. Capitol Building
Elon Musk outsources U.S. air traffic control to the Philippines